Ramblings of a Curly-Haired Man, Vol. 19
What happens when you fight Muay Thai in Thailand with zero training, full confidence, and a beer waiting in your corner? A chaotic, hilarious and very real expat story.
✍️ Preface
This is an original essay from our Chinese-language series 卷发男人的碎碎念 (Ramblings of a Curly-Haired Man), first published on our Chinese social channels.
It’s been translated into English for our global audience. Both the English translation and the original Chinese version are included below.
If you're new here, this series documents my real life adapting to abroad—and life abroad more broadly—with no filter, no hero narrative, and definitely no language prep.
🇬🇧 English Translation
It was my first time in Thailand.
I thought I came to relax.
Instead… I signed up for a legendary fight. 🥵💥
This was one of those casual amateur Muay Thai events.
If you were down to fight, someone was down to go. ✊👀
One dude in our group—might’ve been Singaporean—turns to me like:
“Hey, wanna fight?”
He said it like he was offering chips. 🍟😐
And without thinking, I went full instinct:
“Let’s do it.” 🔥🥴
Round One: Welcome to Muay Thai (Nutshot Edition)
Bell rings. 🔔
I’m calm. Relaxed. Thinking, “It’s amateur, we’re having fun.” 🕊️💆♂️
Then—BOOM.
First thing he does is kick me square in the nuts. 🥜💥💀
I dropped like a character in a video game losing HP in slow motion. 🧎♂️🕹️
The Thai trainer runs over, dumps water in my shorts 💦, and starts rubbing my stomach like we, are in round 9 of a world title fight. 🤨
But I wasn’t mad. I was activated. ⚡️
My opponent had some kind of wild taekwondo form. 🦵
But he didn’t seem to be to have much experience it off I came back with a Superman Punch. 🦸♂️💥
Followed up with a combo—papapapa! 🫨
Knocked him down at the end of the first round.
I went back to my corner, drenched in sweat, crowd going wild. 💦
Shouted to the girls in our group:
“Get me a beer.” 🍺👄
Round Two: He’s Cooked, I Feast
He comes out wobbling.
Eyes lost 👀, feet unstable 🫨, breath cutting in and out like bad WiFi 📶
I locked in. 🦁🎯
He throws a slow right. I duck. 🫣
And then—
FIVE STRIKES IN A ROW.
Fists landing. Body shaking. Crowd losing it. 🔥💥🔥💥🔥
Ref saw enough. Called the fight. ✋🛑
KO. Victory. 🏆🥳
No training? ✅
Trophy? ✅🥇
Suddenly an Aussie girl’s very interested? ✅👩🦰🔥
Random fan energy unlocked.
The Afterparty Arc: 3 Parties + 1 Corpse Carry
People acted like I just won a world title. 🙌📸
Sweaty. Out of breath. Felt like a viral micro-celebrity. 💃📸🧠
I hugged my opponent like, “You alright?”
He said:
“Bro… your punches were too much.” 😮💨👊
We went to three parties that night. 🎧🪩🎉
At each one:
“Dude—I saw your fight, great job?!” 😳🫢
Bonus fact:
Our photographer blacked out. 🍶💀
I had to carry him back to the hostel. 🧎♂️➕🧍♂️ = 🚑
Moral of the Story:
Don’t kick someone in the nuts
🥊👑📸🧠🍻🫡
🇨🇳 中文原文
卷发男人的碎碎念，Vol. 19
《第一次打泰拳：我没训练，还被一开场踢了要害》
🥊🥜💢🧠🔥🇹🇭🍺🧍♂️🏆🎉📸
⸻
第一次来泰国，🌴
我以为是来放松的，
结果……打了一场乱拳传奇🥵💥
这是个很“随意”的业余泰拳活动，
只要你敢上，就有人陪你干✊👀
我们组有个哥们（可能是新加坡人🇸🇬）突然看着我说：
“要不要打一场？”
说得就像“吃不吃薯片？”那么随便🍟😐
我当时没脑子，只有本能：
“冲啊！”🔥🥴
⸻
第一回合：泰拳迎宾仪式（暴击版）
铃声一响🔔
我心态稳稳，姿态轻松，想说：哥是和平主义者🕊️💆♂️
结果他第一脚就直踢我蛋蛋 🥜💥💀
我当场塌机🪑倒地，
像游戏角色掉血动画一样慢动作往下坠🕹️🧎♂️
教练狂奔过来🚨往我裤子里灌水💦然后开始帮我揉肚子🥲
表情写满了：“你这是来旅游的？还是来找罪受的？”🤨
但我没生气，
我只是——**被激活了。**⚡️
他出招挺野的，看起来练过点跆拳道🦵
我摇摇晃晃进攻，来了一记 Superman Punch 🦸♂️💥
再一套combo：啪啪啪啪！🫨
直接 Knockdown！
我回角落歇气，
全场围观，汗流浃背💦
我冲我们组的女生喊：
“帮我灌点啤酒。”🍺👄
这一刻我感觉不是拳手，
我是传说📜
⸻
第二回合：他熟了，我开吃
第二回合开始，他已经失控：
眼神游离👀 脚步虚浮🫨 呼吸像WiFi断续📶
我切换成猎人模式🦁
目标锁定🎯 他出一记软绵绵的右拳✋
我一低头闪过🫣
然后：
五连击！！！
拳到、肉响、全场震撼🔥💥🔥💥🔥
裁判一看都傻了🫢 直接挥手终止比赛✋🛑
**KO！赢了！**🏆🥳
没训练？✅
拿奖牌？✅🥇
澳洲妹子突然开始对我热情得不得了？✅👩🦰🔥
野生粉丝buff上线。
⸻
赛后混乱续集：派对三连+背尸回宿舍
大家像我打赢了世界冠军一样围着我🙌📸
我汗流满面、脸红耳热，像极了新晋网红💃📸🧠
我走过去抱住那哥们，说：
“你还好吧？”
他说：
“哥们，你拳头太猛了……”😮💨👊
当晚我们去了三个派对🎧🪩🎉
场场都是“卧槽你就是那个外国拳王？！”😳🫢
我已经开始理解C位压力。
补充说明：
我们那位摄影师喝断片了🍶💀
最后是我背他回去的🧎♂️➕🧍♂️= 🚑
⸻
人生总结：
别踢人蛋蛋🥜💢
尤其是那种平时文质彬彬、但一发疯直接开挂的外国哥们🌋🤯
我不是选手，
但我有拳头✊
而且我愿意拼命🔥💥
🥊👑📸🧠🍻🫡