Ramblings of a Curly-Haired Man, Vol. 9
I landed in China with a plane ticket, a spring roll the size of my forearm, and the kind of confidence that could power a bullet train.
โ๏ธ Preface
This is an original essay from our Chinese-language series ๅทๅ็ทไบบ็็ข็ขๅฟต (Ramblings of a Curly-Haired Man), first published on April 15, 2025, on our Chinese social channels.
Itโs been translated into English for our global audience. Both the English translation and the original Chinese version are included below.
If you're new here, this series documents my real life adapting to Chinaโwith no filter, no hero narrative and definitely no language prep.
๐ฌ๐ง English Translation
I came to China on impulse.
Didnโt speak Chinese.
Had no idea what reality would be like.
All it took was watching the first two minutes of a 15-minute YouTube video about Guangzhou.
I told myself:
โWhatever. I got this.โ ๐๐๐ฆ
Before coming to China, here was the full extent of my cultural knowledge:
๐ฏโโ๏ธ In elementary school, there were these twins from Beijing who once brought mooncakes to class. I thought they were edible soap.
๐ Across the street from my house was a Chinese takeout joint called โTwin Dragon,โ run by a boss from Fujian. He sold me the biggest spring roll Iโve ever seen in my life. Looking back nowโฆ that thing wasnโt real Chinese food. It was an American Fantasy Rollโข.
I landed in Guangzhou, China at 2am, walking out of the airport like an international spy.
๐ I couldnโt read a single sign
๐ฌ I couldnโt recognize a single character
๐บ๏ธ I couldnโt pronounce the name of the street I was staying on
๐ถโโ๏ธ But I walked like I was in a documentary. My facial expressions? Perfectly managed.
๐ Once, I ordered beef noodles by imitating a cow ๐ฎ
๐ At the pharmacy, I acted out a silent film to show I was dying
๐ I gave another foreigner directions by pointing to a KTV and saying, โI think thatโs a hospital?โ
๐ง Bonus shame story:
At FamilyMart, the cashier asked the person ahead of me: โDo you want a bag?โ
I didnโt realize that โma/ๅโ meant she was asking a question. So when it was my turn, I proudly repeated:
โYaodร izi ma/Do you want a bag?โ
Her face looked like I was bufferingโฆ
All I could do was smile socially ๐ and accept my fate.
Everyone else is sitting in cafรฉs reading Atomic Habits โ
Iโm getting spiritually humbled by Auntie Wang at the wet market ๐
Trying to explain โcilantroโ through interpretive dance and WeChat stickers ๐๐ฑ๐ฟ
I never really studied Chinese.
I absorbed it.
My first vocabulary set came entirely from answering aunties who asked me the same 4 questions daily:
๐ต Where are you from?
๐ต How long have you been in China?
๐ต What do you do?
๐ต Do you have a Chinese girlfriend?
I used to pronounce "xiaolongbao" like it was a Pokรฉmon move.
I didnโt die. So whatโs left to be afraid of? ๐ฅ๐๐ฅ
Delusional confidence isnโt optional.
Itโs the only reason I survived.
Especially when my phone died, the menu was in traditional characters, and the only thing I could recognizeโฆ
was my own reflection in the soy sauce bottle. ๐ช๐ซ ๐ง
๐งฑ Whatโs the lesson?
Forget dignity.
Forget doing it the โright way.โ
Point, nod, smile. Learn as you go. ๐ค๐งฉ๐ก
Thatโs Ramblings of a Curly-Haired Man, Vol. 9.
Brought to you by dumplings, blind optimism, and hallucinatory WeChat translations. ๐ฒ๐ฅ๐
Now if youโll excuse meโ
I need to get back to brick-moving.
๐งฑ๐๐ง ๐ณ๏ธ
๐จ๐ณ ไธญๆๅๆ
๐ง ๅทๅ็ทไบบ็็ข็ขๅฟต๏ผVol. 9
ๆๅธฆ็ไธๅผ ๆบ็ฅจใไธๆ นๅทจๅๆฅๅท๏ผ่ฟๆ่ฝ็ป้ซ้ไพ็ต็่ชไฟกๆฅๅฐไธญๅฝ
ๆๆฏๅฎๅ
จๅฒๅจๆฅไธญๅฝ็ใ
ไธๆไธญๆ๏ผๅฏน็ฐๅฎๆฏซๆ ่ฎค็ฅใ
ๆๅช็ไบไธไธช15ๅ้ๅนฟๅทYouTube่ง้ข็ๅ2ๅ้๏ผๅฐฑๅณๅฎ๏ผ
โ็ฎกๅฎๅข๏ผๆ่ฝๆๅฎใโ ๐๐๐ฆ
ๆๅจๆฅไธญๅฝไนๅ๏ผๅฏนไธญๅฝๆๅ็ๅ จ้จไบ่งฃๆฏ๏ผ
๐ฏโโ๏ธ ๅฐๅญฆๆถ็ญไธๆไธๅฏนๅไบฌๅ่่ๅฅณ็๏ผๆๆฌกๅธฆไบๆ้ฅผ๏ผๆไปฅไธบ้ฃๆฏๅฏไปฅๅ็่ฅ็
๐ ๆๅฎถๅฏน้ขๆไธๅฎถๅซ โTwin Dragonโ ็ๅคๅๅบ๏ผ่ๆฟๆฏไธช็ฆๆธ ๅคงๅฅ
ไปๅๆไบบ็ไธญ่ง่ฟๆๅคง็ๆฅๅทใ
็ฐๅจๅๆณไธไธโฆโฆ้ฃๆ นๆ นๆฌไธ็ฎ็ๆญฃ็ไธญ้ค๏ผๆฏ ็พๅผๅนปๆณๅทโขใ
ๆๅๆจไธค็น่ฝๅฐๅนฟๅท๏ผๅไธชๅฝ้
็นๅทฅไธๆ ท่ตฐๅบๆบๅบใ
๐ ็ไธๆ่ทฏ็
๐ฌ ไธ่ฎค่ฏไธไธชๆฑๅญ
๐บ๏ธ ่ฟๆไฝ็่ก้ๅ้ฝไธไผๅฟต
๐ถโโ๏ธ ไฝๆ่ตฐ่ทฏๅๅจๆ็บชๅฝ็๏ผ่กจๆ
็ฎก็ๅฎ็พ
๐ ๆไธๆฌกๆ็น็่้ข๏ผๅ
จ้ ๆจกไปฟ็ๅซ ๐ฎ
๐ ๅป่ฏๅบ๏ผๆ่กจๆผไบไธๅบโๆๅฟซๆญปไบโ็้ปๅง
๐ ็ปๅฆไธไธชๅคๅฝไบบๆ่ทฏ๏ผๆๆ็ไธๅฎถKTV่ฏด โๆ่งๅพ้ฃๆฏๅป้ขๅง๏ผโ
๐ง ็พ่ปๆถๅป็ชๅค็ฏ๏ผ
ๅจๅ
จๅฎถไพฟๅฉๅบๆ้๏ผๆถ้ถๅฐๅฆน้ฎๆๅ้ข้ฃไบบ๏ผโ่ฆ่ขๅญๅ๏ผโ
ๆไธ็ฅ้โๅโๆฏ็้ฎ่ฏญๆฐ็ๆ ๅฟ๏ผไบๆฏๆ่ชไฟกๅฐ้ๅค๏ผ
โ่ฆ่ขๅญๅๅ๏ผโ
ๅฅน็ๆ็่กจๆ
ๅฐฑๅๆๆญฃๅจๅ ่ฝฝโฆ
ๆๅช่ฝ้ฒๅบไธไธช็คพไผๆงๅพฎ็ฌ๐
ๅซไบบ้ฝๅจๅๅก้ฆ่ฏปใๅๅญไน ๆฏใโ
่ๆๅจ่ๅธๅบ่ขซ็้ฟๅงจ่ฟ่ก็ต้ญๆๅป ๐
่ฏๅพ็จๅพฎไฟก่กจๆ
ๅ
ๅ็ฐไปฃ่่งฃ้โ้ฆ่โ ๐๐ฑ๐ฟ
ๆไปๆฅๆฒกโๅญฆโไธญๆ๏ผ
ๆๆฏ้ ๅธๆถๆฅ็ใ
ๆๅญฆ็็ฌฌไธๆน่ฏ๏ผๅ
จๆฏๅ็ญๆฏๅคฉ่ขซ้ฎ4ๆฌก็้ฟๅงจๆ้ฎ๏ผ
๐ต ไฝ ๅชๅฝไบบ๏ผ
๐ต ๆฅไธญๅฝๅคไน
ๅฆ๏ผ
๐ต ๅไปไนๅทฅไฝ๏ผ
๐ต ๆไธญๅฝ่ๅฉๅ๏ผ
ๆๆพ็ปๆโๅฐ็ฌผๅ
โๅ้ณๅๅจๅฟตๅฎๅฏๆขฆๆ่ฝใ
ๆๆฒกๆญปใ
้ฃๆ่ฟๆไปไน๏ผ๐ฅ๐๐ฅ
ๅนปๆณ็บง่ชไฟกไธๆฏๅฏ้้กน๏ผ
่ๆฏๆๅจๅผๅฝ็ๅญ็ๅฏไธๆบๅถใ
ๅฐคๅ
ถๆฏๅฝๆๆบๆฒก็ตใ่ๅๅ
จๆฏ็นไฝใ
ๅฏไธ็ๅพๆ็ไธ่ฅฟๅฐฑๆฏ้
ฑๆฒน็ถ้็่ชๅทฑ ๐ช๐ซ ๐ง
๐งฑ ๆ ไบ็ๅฏๆ๏ผ
ๅฟๆไฝ้ขใ
ๅฟๆโๆญฃ็กฎๆนๆณโใ
ๅคง่ๅฐๆใ็นๅคดใๅพฎ็ฌ๏ผ็ถๅ่พน่ตฐ่พนๅญฆใ๐ค๐งฉ๐ก
่ฟๅฐฑๆฏ ๅทๅ็ทไบบ็็ข็ขๅฟต Vol. 9
็ฑๆฐด้ฅบใ็ฒ็ฎไน่งใไปฅๅๅพฎไฟก็ฟป่ฏๅนป่งๅๆ
่ตๅฉ ๐ฒ๐ฅ๐
็ฐๅจ่ฏทๅ่ฐ
ๆโโ
ๆ่ฟ่ฆ็ปง็ปญๆฌ็ ใ
๐งฑ๐๐ง ๐ณ๏ธ
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Some of the slang and phrases make more sense in Chinese. ๐