52 Hours in Xiamen: Auntie Stampede, Foot Pain and Pistachio Milk Tea
Stop five of the 9-city sprint through post-COVID South China.
Arrival: Night Moves & No Breaks
After a long train from Guangzhou, I arrived in Xiamen late at night.
Still limping from Achilles surgery.
Still pretending this trip was “healing.”
Still dragging one foot like a cursed pirate trying to escape his past.
—
Morning Chaos: Passport Regret Speedrun
Woke up early, determined to hit Gulangyu Island.
Taxi to the ferry terminal.
Arrive at the booth to buy a ticket, realized I forgot my passport. 😮💨
Took a taxi back, Grabbed the document.
Came back, social smile, limping to the ticket window.
Managed to snag one of the last afternoon ferry tickets. Victory? Barely.
—
🏝️ Gulangyu Island: Beautiful. Evil. I Was Not Ready.
The island is stunning.
European-style architecture. Trees swaying. Ocean breeze.
Which would’ve been perfect…
If my shoes weren’t actively trying to saw my ankles off.
I limped through cobblestone alleys.
I made it to the giant Zheng Chenggong statue.
Climbed the stairs like a man carrying 100 regrets in a backpack.
Posed for a photo. Smiled through pain.
Victory achieved. Spirit broken.
📸🗿🧠💔
—
THE GATE OPENS — WAR BEGINS
When the return ferry boarding gate opened, the atmosphere flipped:
Elders locked in.
This wasn’t boarding — it was Hunger Games: Xiamen Edition.
"快来快来我帮你占位置!!"
Uncles sprinted.
Aunties summoned reinforcements via WeChat voice memos.
Phones out. Bags flying. 👵📲🎒🏃♂️💨
Meanwhile, I’m moving at 0.6 km/hr while aunties and uncles bounce of my shoulders and biceps
Spiritually drained, I make it to a seat like a man who just won custody of his children.
Then — a sweaty uncle appears.
Points at the seat next to me like he’s about to pitch a merger.
He wants me to move? Idk, social battery zero.
Then I look him in the eyes — and he sees it.
The madness. The limp. The rage beneath the calm.
He nods. Sits next to me.
Respect. ✅🤝🧓
Halfway across the sea, uncle breaks the silence.
He initiates the sacred expat ritual:
你哪国人？🌎
来中国多久啦？📆
你做什么工作？💼
有中国老婆吗？💍
I answer like a seasoned foreign NPC.
He nods, satisfied.
We both stare at the water.
Two tired soldiers. Same war. Different battles. 🧠🌊🧓🫠
—
Zhongshan Street Redemption Arc
Feet aching, but curiosity intact, I headed to Zhongshan Road.
Snack heaven. Neon chaos.
I ate purple yam duck cutlet. Grabbed a random stir-fry bowl.
And a pistachio milk tea from “Open Space.”
Did I need it? No.
Was it divine? Also no.
But it i’m just here for the vibe.
And at that point, I was collecting small wins like rare Pokémon. 🎯
—
Final Verdict
Xiamen gave me:
• Passport plot twists 🛂
• Island ghost-walking 🧍♂️
• Auntie survival trial 🚢💪
• Snack-fueled redemption 🍠🥤
• Pistachio milk tea confusion 😶🌫️
• A reminder to always wear good shoes 👟
This was Stop 5 of my 9-city sprint across post-COVID China.
One city 🏙️. One story 📖. 52 hours ⏱️ at a time.
Next up: Guilin.
Spoiler: river boat cruise, scenic mountain views and scooter chaos.