52 Hours in Kaiping, China: Colonial Towers, Crabby Noodles, and Cowboy Boot Regret

Stop two of the 9-city sprint through post-COVID South China.

I arrived in Kaiping on a Tuesday afternoon, fresh off the high-speed train.

It was hot. Like full-body-sweat-dripping-through-your-socks hot. 🥵🌡️

I checked into my hotel, dropped my bag, took a quick rest, and later walked to a random dinner spot nearby.

The sign had crabs, noodles, and zero promises.

I sat down. I ordered.

And immediately regretted it.

Some kind of crab-sludge noodle situation.

Easily the worst meal of the entire trip. 🦀❌

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The next day, I set out to see Kaiping’s claim to fame:

The Diaolou towers 🏯 — fortress-style mansions built by returning overseas Chinese in the early 1900s.

The history? Cool.

The architecture? Impressive.

The temperature? Why am I alive today levels of unbearable.

And what did I wear?

Cowboy boots.

Real ones.

Why? No reason.

Just trauma in motion. 👢🔥

I limped between tower clusters like a confused NPC on hard mode — flipping between curiosity and dehydration.

At one point, a baby stared at me for 30 straight seconds, looking both amazed and concerned. 👶👻

That night, I went to get a foot massage to recover from my footwear sins.

The masseuse — mid-30s, smooth with the elbow pressure — started chatting.

And of course…

The Four Auntie Questions™ return:

“你是哪国人？”

“来中国多久啦？”

“你做什么工作？”

“你有中国女朋友吗？”

After that, she asked more — but we switched to WeChat even though we were sitting right next to each other.

My social battery was on 1%, and my Mandarin had straight-up combusted 🔋💬🫠

She gave me a free facial exfoliation at the end.

I didn’t ask.

Maybe I looked tired.

Or maybe… the rizz is international. 💆‍♂️✨📲

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Final Verdict:

Kaiping had castles, heatstroke, boot-based regret.But it also had surprise kindness. And a random skincare blessing.

Kaiping Hao

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This is Part 2 of my 9-part series

《52 Hours in X》 — a fast-travel experiment through post-COVID China.

One city 🏙️. One story 📖. 52 hours ⏱️ at a time.

Next stop: Huizhou.

Spoiler: beach walks, scuba dives, and a ghost town.