52 Hours in Kaiping, China: Colonial Towers, Crabby Noodles, and Cowboy Boot Regret
Stop two of the 9-city sprint through post-COVID South China.
I arrived in Kaiping on a Tuesday afternoon, fresh off the high-speed train.
It was hot. Like full-body-sweat-dripping-through-your-socks hot. 🥵🌡️
I checked into my hotel, dropped my bag, took a quick rest, and later walked to a random dinner spot nearby.
The sign had crabs, noodles, and zero promises.
I sat down. I ordered.
And immediately regretted it.
Some kind of crab-sludge noodle situation.
Easily the worst meal of the entire trip. 🦀❌
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The next day, I set out to see Kaiping’s claim to fame:
The Diaolou towers 🏯 — fortress-style mansions built by returning overseas Chinese in the early 1900s.
The history? Cool.
The architecture? Impressive.
The temperature? Why am I alive today levels of unbearable.
And what did I wear?
Cowboy boots.
Real ones.
Why? No reason.
Just trauma in motion. 👢🔥
I limped between tower clusters like a confused NPC on hard mode — flipping between curiosity and dehydration.
At one point, a baby stared at me for 30 straight seconds, looking both amazed and concerned. 👶👻
That night, I went to get a foot massage to recover from my footwear sins.
The masseuse — mid-30s, smooth with the elbow pressure — started chatting.
And of course…
The Four Auntie Questions™ return:
“你是哪国人？”
“来中国多久啦？”
“你做什么工作？”
“你有中国女朋友吗？”
After that, she asked more — but we switched to WeChat even though we were sitting right next to each other.
My social battery was on 1%, and my Mandarin had straight-up combusted 🔋💬🫠
She gave me a free facial exfoliation at the end.
I didn’t ask.
Maybe I looked tired.
Or maybe… the rizz is international. 💆♂️✨📲
—
Final Verdict:
Kaiping had castles, heatstroke, boot-based regret.But it also had surprise kindness. And a random skincare blessing.
Kaiping Hao
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This is Part 2 of my 9-part series
《52 Hours in X》 — a fast-travel experiment through post-COVID China.
One city 🏙️. One story 📖. 52 hours ⏱️ at a time.
Next stop: Huizhou.
Spoiler: beach walks, scuba dives, and a ghost town.